Sir Fomo McSpruikerson is an expatriate billionaire and proud proprietor of The Strayan, a vanity media project designed to boost his assets.
APRA, RBA approve plan to allow organ sales for first home buyer deposits
APRA and the RBA have given their seal of approval to a plan, which would allow Australian First Home Buyers the ability to sell an organ as a deposit on their first property.
Following on from suggestions that FHB’s be allowed to raid their superannuation, APRA and the RBA have given a nod to a plan by Treasurer Josh Frydenberg which could see kidneys, lungs and livers be donated in order to realise the Australian dream.
The Foreign Investment Review Board has also approved the move, saying it had a huge backlog of applications from China that were previously unable to be approved.
“The Australian market has been hit hard by a sudden loss of foreign buyers from China. The number of buyers that expressed an interest in payment with organs was massive at the time, but we couldn’t approve this until recently for ethical reasons,” a spokesman for the FIRB told the Strayan.
“I guess we should’ve realised that when the Treasurer said he was scrapping responsible lending laws we should have caught on that ethics were out the window for good.”
The ALP have stated that they will take a strong look at the proposal, but ultimately supported the move and that “objections from organisations like Falun Gong and the Uyghur community were completely unsubstantiated” a spokesman said.
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Iron ore tariff plans scrapped after Forrest, Rhinehart show evidence of CCP membership
Iron ore tariffs planned as part of Australia’s retaliation against China in the trade war, have been cancelled at the 11th hour following a corporate dispute in Western Australia.
The Strayan understands the Morrison government backed down from the move after a heated conference with Gina Rhinehart and Andrew Forrest, which resulted in both WA mining magnates pulling their previously undisclosed CCP membership cards out and threatening to secede to mainland China.
In a statement made in both English and Mandarin, WA Premier Mark McGowan said he stood by the decision of the WA mining industry and advised Prime Minister Scott Morrison to back down.
“Secession has been nothing new in terms of WA since 1933, however now we have a friend in China that means we can actually follow through instead of making annual, meaningless parochial threats,” McGowan said.
“As we’ve seen in New Zealand and the Pacific, China has shown that it can take care of nations of small populations as they’re easier to subvert, er, support. The Prime Minister needs to reconsider his position.”
Victorian Premier Daniel Andrews, who was under fire earlier in the week for retweeting a meme of an Australian soldier made by the Chinese Ambassador to Australia, stated he also supported WA’s stance and this would not jeopardise his state’s One Belt, One Road agreement.
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Australian Property Developers form guard of honour for returning international students in Darwin
Australia’s property developers have formed a guard of honour for returning international students in Darwin, after the first plane load touch down in the NT earlier this week.
A delegation led by Meriton CEO Harry Trigaboff met the students as they disembarked from the aircraft, showering them with gifts and brochures for developments in Sydney and Melbourne.
“It’s a miracle. I’d like to thank the tireless work of Phil Honeywood, Liz Allen and the consortium of vice-chancellors that have made this possible,” Trigaboff told the Strayan.
“The rent-seeking community really rallied together in our darkest hour. Hopefully, after they’ve cleared quarantine in 14 days we can charter them directly to Sydney and Melbourne and find a one-bedroom high rise apartment for them to purchase.”
The students were initially planned to sail into the Port of Darwin by chartered boat, but the quota of Chinese international students was too low for the CCP to approve according to a spokesman for the NT government.
More flights are planned in the coming months, with UNSW and University of Melbourne both announcing plans to build a designated runway for students on campus.
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Alan Joyce says Baggage Handler being added to Skilled Occupation List “unrelated” after Qantas fires 2000 staff
Qantas CEO Alan Joyce has claimed that a move by the federal government to add the occupation of baggage handler to the skilled occupation list, is unrelated to Qantas’ decision to outsource it’s baggage handling services and let 2000 staff go.
The move comes as Qantas’ haemorrhages cash and looks for ways to move it’s responsibilities elsewhere.
“Those claims are rubbish in the sense that this was a recent decision. The reality is we’ve been trying to kill this airline and it’s union off for years, that’s exactly why I was brought in,” Joyce told the Strayan.
Joyce was candid about the decision and said the move now freed up more time for him to “focus on vacuous woke bullshit and continued white-anting of the company.”
“There’s now a massive skills shortage at our airline and we need to fill that as soon as possible. Removing luggage from aircraft hold to conveyor belt is a highly skilled profession that Australians are unable to perform, especially for the price point we want.”
It is understood that the tender for the contract is yet to be decided, but bids from companies in China and India are being considered.
The ACTU and the TWU refused to comment on the matter.
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Geoff Raby’s Ambassador Wine recalled after suspected Melamine contamination scare
Former Australian Ambassador to China Geoff Raby is in hiding tonight, after revelations his line of wine is potentially contaminated from Melamine.
Raby’s wine was given away free to attendees at Raby’s National Press Club appearance in Canberra last week. A mass outbreak of vomiting occurred shortly after the speech began, which hospitalised many attendees and from which traces of Melamine have been allegedly found in preliminary blood tests.
The AFP have opened an investigation into the incident, which a witness described as something out of “Team America: World Police.”
“People were throwing up during the speech and we initially thought it was from hearing Raby’s rhetoric. Then we realised there was something in the wine.”
“This kind of incident is not uncommon at the National Press Club. We usually have the plastic out everywhere for when Kevin Rudd, Paul Keating or Phil Lowe is here. This was next level though and so far our suspicions regarding the wine have proven correct.”
Raby’s wine, produced in China, is billed as “a pretentious yet treasonous flavour of subversive Shiraz” and recently managed to avoid a 200% increase in tariffs to Australian wine. Raby has reportedly put plans to release a line of baby formula immediately on hold after the reports.
Raby did not respond to comment and has not been seen since the incident, but is rumoured to be hiding in the Chinese Embassy in Canberra.
