Somehow, it’s not as funny as usual.
Australia, the world’s second largest exporter of liquefied natural gas (LNG), is preparing to do what no one saw coming. Import gas for its own citizens.
“Look, it’s simple economics,” said the government spokesperson.
“We had a lot of gas. China and other countries needed gas. So, we sold them all the gas. Now, we need gas. You know, it’s a circular economy really. We sell iron ore and gas to China for billions of dollars. We then take those billions of dollars and use them to buy submarines to help sink warships that China have made using our iron ore and gas. It goes around in circles.”
Gas industry insiders are reportedly chuckling quietly to themselves, as Australia’s gas exports continue to rake in profits for companies like Santos and Origin. The local gas prices are some of the highest in the world because most of the country’s gas was sold off at bargain basement prices to countries like China.
Despite being rich in gas reserves, Australia’s gas production surged to meet foreign demand while domestic prices soared. Qatar, one of our biggest rivals in gas exports, managed to pocket $26 billion in royalties while Australia collected a single solitary billion dollars. It seems that while we were busy slashing royalties, someone in Doha was thinking about the future.
In 2002, the Howard Government sold off much of Australia’s gas reserves. With the benefit of hindsight, it was the worst deal in Australian history. John Howard is solely responsible for cheating the Australian people out of a future of energy security.
Nevertheless, the government assures us that new gas import terminals will soon be operational. It’s comforting to know that Australia soon be buying back our own gas, paying twice as much for the privilege.
Experts are warning that despite importing gas, prices for Aussie households aren’t likely to come down. In the short term, the Federal Government is subsidising private energy companies. They’re giving your money to energy companies to make your bills go down. That’s the fix.
Energy Minister Chris Bowen says there’s a ‘lever he can pull’ to carve out enough gas for Australia to burn before it gets exported but he hasn’t pulled it either because the gas lobby is too powerful or he has no balls.
Meanwhile, ordinary Australians are left wondering if the nation that exports coal, iron ore, wheat and our promising young people will soon have to start importing those too.
“Hopefully we’ll be selling fresh Aussie prawns to Vietnam by Christmas, and then getting them back for New Year’s lunch,” said one local shopper.
“It’s called progress, mate.”
To summarise:
- Everyone is to blame but Treasurer Jim “chicken” Chalmers the most. He could have used Ukraine War profiteering to break the gas export cartel but instead hid under his desk.
- We make no money out of our own gas while Qatar makes $25bn for the same amount of exported gas.
- Your energy bills are through the roof because of it.
- Gas imports will make that worse as we are exposed to every global shock or shortage.
- China builds weapons with it while we hollow out industry.
- We will import our own gas after it sails in circles around some Pacific islands.
- The gas cartel will dominate import contracts ensuring prices are even higher as it sells Aussie gas to itself.
- All the cheap Aussie gas will go to China while all the expensive Aussie gas will go to you.
- Politicians will hide it in energy rebates which shift the issue into tax hikes.
- Interest rates are much higher, fighting the resulting stagflation.
- The energy transition is derailed and stupid ideas like nuclear given airtime.
- Your living standards will continue to crumble.
I only wish I was joking.
