A bit of lite reading today:
When Sandilands and Henderson launched their show in Melbourne in April, I wrote they were “crass, rude, family-unfriendly, profane, abrasive – and weirdly compelling”.
What many Sydneysiders fail to understand is that not living in Sydney is a choice – just as it is to listen to Kyle and Jackie O. Or in the case of Victorians, not to listen.
When walking through the Melbourne Royal Show on the opening day last week, it felt fitting to happen upon Kyle and Jackie O’s Haunted House. Part of KIIS FM’s sponsored attractions at the event, seemingly no one was interested in what the installation had to offer. Much like their radio show.
I have lived for multiple decades in both cities so I will try to unpack this.
The correct stereotype is that Sydney is gauche and Melbourne is pretentious.
Amusingly, Melbournians see Sydney as pretentious, which is part of their pretention, because Sydneysiders don’t care what Melbournians think about anything.
This fits with the article perfectly, both in terms of description of the cities and the point of view of the Melbournian author. A Sydneysider would never write such a piece!
In terms of geography, Sydney is a living and breathing paradise while Hellbourne is a gloomy swamp.
In terms of identity, Sydneysiders are much more straightforward and self-serving. Hellbournians are cliquey but that is an advantage if you’re on the inside.
In terms of economics, Hellbourne is a stagnant, financialised backwater. Sydney is also financialised but is much more globally integrated providing greater opportunity and dynamism.
It is true that Hellbourne has the best food in the world. The average quality is outrageously good.
Sydney has good food too, but it has many more lousy, high traffic traps.
Hellbourne’s nightlife is much better, courtesy largely of Sydney’s lockout self-sabotage.
Back in the nineties, it was nearly a contest. Melbourne’s cultural prowess wedded to superior infrastructure, better civil service, and affordability made it very attractive versus Sydney’s lifestyle and beauty.
But those days are long gone. Hellbourne is still less expensive than Sydney, but we are talking degrees of expensive not cheap. That sits uncomfortably with its street culture, which has been engulfed by a bourgeois sensibility every bit as toxic as Sydney’s.
Hellbourne is today crowded and dirty. The trafiic is as bad if not worse than that of Sydney.
Public transport used to be better in Hellbourne. No longer. Getting a taxi or tram is to asphyxiate on body odor from the four corners of the compass.
And it is angry. Post COVID and inflation shock, Hellbourne is the angriest city I have ever lived in.
These points go a long way towards ruining its cultural advantages.
In short, Hellbourne is crumbling much faster than Sydney owing to the immigration-led economic model, as well as a fascistic and corrupt leadership that locks up its citizens at the drop of a hat.
It makes sense, Sydney’s advantages are natural and durable.
Hellbourne’s advantages were always human and much more vulnerable to change.
These days, it is no contest.
